“If you are looking for the love of your life; stop. They will be waiting for you when you start doing the things you love.” The eroded physical stature of my body clearly indicates I have not eaten for days, perhaps even weeks. My mental faculties are muddled. I am tired, decrepit; my muscles show signs of atrophy. The light of day seems so foreign to me now, a language unto itself that I simply cannot decipher. I suspect my meagre weight is approaching Hobbit-like proportions. The thought conjures reflections of the Shire; lush green landscapes with caroling feathered friends and twirling young children. It seems like a delightful place to be this time of year, if only for a moment. I miss her. Without warning, the door to my home berates me with the sound of a closed fist to lumber. I remain deathly still, thoroughly mute, unable to fathom who would have the audacity to enter my realm of woeful desolation. The front door calls for me again, this time with a sense of urgency, yet not enough to compel me to advance position. A few moments pass when the alarming sound of metal on metal, twisting and turning, shudders through my body. Today, the sound of victory is a consequence of squeaky door hinges, naturally tuned to the key of G. The hull has been breached with the support of a golden spare key. Today, my logic has failed me. A dark figure clothed in casual business attire approaches me with reservation, quietly speaking in a calm, soothing manner. The look in his eyes reveals my pathetic condition; parading my mental and physical blemishes with clarity like a brawny circus mirror you can’t escape. It is my dear friend Andy. Equipped with the Holstee Manifesto in hand, he has come to rescue me from my slumber. I blink with all my might, then whisper, “Hello.”

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