There are times I feel so lost and misguided. I graduated college a year ago and sometimes I get frustrated that I am still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. In my last semester at school, I realized that I wanted to do more in the world than just graphic design. So what was I even getting this degree for? I can’t see my future sitting in front of a computer all day, doing mindless work for probably a boring company. I want to actually work with people and somehow improve their lives. I started to look into grad schools for Art Therapy, but I realized that there were classes I would probably need before hand, and that I would be buried in an even deeper debt. I decided to give myself some time to sit on it for a year or two. After graduation and coming home, I started to rediscover myself. I had been in so many unhealthy relationships with people (both boys and “friends”) in a world much different from where I grew up, and there was so much about myself that I had forgotten. I thought I needed a well paying full-time job so I could get a new car, great benefits, and support myself to be happy. I got a manager job in retail and I started to truly hate it.  It was this summer that I discovered the Holstee Manifesto. At first I just saved the picture, and then I quoted it in a status. But then I started to really research the masterminds behind the words. I learned about the whole philosophy behind the Manifesto and I believed in it so much that I knew I had to practice it myself. I needed to set myself free. My parents freaked out, but I told them that I was quitting my job. Maybe I wont have tons of money or a new car, but that was not where I needed to be. I found two part time gigs and quit. I was the happiest I had been in a long time. I had so much more time for myself and I was starting become the better me that I wanted to be. I appreciated the nature and beautiful landscape right outside my window. I finally made time for jogs, hikes, drawing, and I even trained and did my first Tough Mudder. I stopped watching TV so much and actually did things. Sometimes I feel like I have too many hobbies now. I started applying as many aspects of the Manifesto to my life as possible, and it was working. I found a person that has made my life better by entering it. I finally have an amazing, loving, healthy, beautiful relationship with my dream guy (he is not perfect but we are perfect for each other). I look at the Manifesto everyday on my wall or laptop desktop and remind myself what I am striving for. But I have been starting to find myself in another rut. My parents decided that they are moving to Florida, and it was somewhat short notice that they were taking the house off the market and renting it to my sister and I. My part-time jobs are getting slower and I soon won’t be able to cover rent on top of all my other expenses. I need something steadier. And where are these part time jobs taking me? My main job as a studio manager at a photography studio was fun at first, but it is starting to feel like my responsibility (and therefore stress) has quadrupled and the pay has not. Frustration started to rise and I had to reevaluate everything again. I don’t know how I am going to do it yet, but I want to help people have a healthier mind and body. I want to start on my way to being a yoga instructor. I want to work with kids. I never want to sit in a chair all day long, in front of a screen for hours and hours at a clip anymore. I want to travel to at least one country in every continent by my early thirties. I want to have fun and enjoy what I do everyday and who it is I’m doing for. I want to show people that by embracing the living things in nature around them, their creative brain, the deeper meaning of life, that drugs and other substances will not be what helps them improve their life, but that it is themselves.  But how do I do it? Do I need Grad school? I miss learning and wish I appreciated school more when I was in it, but can I learn and accomplish what I want to without it? How am I going to afford to live? What is going to be my next move? I am not even sure how to answer all the questions and more that I now have for my life. Sometimes I feel like I don’t even know where to start. Why can’t I just “find my way” like everyone else?  I am now re-incorporating the Manifesto into my life. It had helped me through one stage and I have quickly reached another. I thank Holstee and their words for helping me to enlightenment, a journey that I am still on. Reading other stories has helped reassure me that I am not crazy or stupid for being in the place that I am. My years earning my honors GPA and student-athlete awards and accomplishments won’t be for nothing. There are others out there just like me struggling, growing and rediscovering constantly. I am only 22 and even though my family and friends might give me funny looks for all the things I want to do, I have someone who believes in me besides just myself, and that is more than what I need.  Not only do I want to thank Dave, Mike, and Fabian for sharing their inspiration with the world, I am also thanking all the others who shared their stories. Amazing people are everywhere and we just have to find them. They will change your life. I only hope to be that person for someone one day, as you all have been for me.

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