I met up with a friend recently and we were making small talk. Work, the weather, our favorite burrito in Brooklyn — the usual.

At one point, he paused.

He looked up and asked me, “How did you know she was the one?”

He didn’t just want to know how I knew that Jess was the right life partner for me. He also wanted to know if perhaps the girl he was dating could be the right one for him.

It was a great question, and I wasn’t sure what to say.

I thought about it later that night when I returned home and sent him this note:

I don't believe in "the one" in the soul mate sense.

I do believe there are partners out there that will bring us greatness now and in the future and in turn, it will bring us immense pleasure to bring greatness to them.

By greatness, I mean satisfaction, fulfillment, and growth in every sense of each word.

You will be both a supporter and a mentor to each other.

You are aligned on the values you are passionate about.

You will challenge each other's views and comfort each other when no one else can.

Most importantly, you respect each other enough to listen and you care enough to understand.

When you realize you are the best versions of the people you wish to be when you are around each other, you will know you never want to leave each others’ sides.

Don't be afraid to fall in love.

But I’m just in my 30s — what the hell do I know? 😉

How did you, or will you, know when you’ve found the right partner for you?

Dave Radparvar
Co-Founder, Holstee

P.S. Romantic love is only one of the many types of relationships we have in our lives. In our Kinship Guide, we explore six different kinds of relationships as defined by the ancient Greeks. Become a member to dig deeper →

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Distilled from our Manifesto, positive psychology, the science of mindfulness, and ancient philosophic studies we have identified twelve themes core to living both fully and mindfully. We mapped these twelve themes to each of the twelve months in a year. Together with our community we explore one each month.