“You're never as good as everyone tells you when you win, and you're never as bad as they say when you lose.”Tweet It!
― Lou Holtz
We were fortunate to be in the right place (NYC) with the right message (our Manifesto) at the right time (2009, just after a recession that had many people reconsidering what success meant to them). This combination was key in jumpstarting Holstee.
As a co-founder, this early success built up my confidence and inflated my ego. The funny thing about an enlarged ego is that it will go to remarkable lengths to self-preserve and continue growing.
I remember my general tone shifting from “We did this.” to “I did this.” I became less and less open to the ideas of others, especially if they challenged my opinion.
It took nearly losing Holstee and friendships I hold dear to make a change.
In this month’s Compassion Guide, we explore the Quiet Ego Scale developed by Drs. Jack Bauer and Heidi Wayment. Their research shows that when we have a quiet (but not silent) ego, we are able to do a better job of listening to others as well as ourselves so we can “approach life more humanely and compassionately.”
They found that a balanced quiet ego can be achieved by:
Inclusive identity: Feeling a connection to all living things ultimately “increases the likelihood of cooperation and decreases the likelihood of self-protective stances toward the other.”
Perspective-taking: Being able to reflect on others’ points of view which “provides a critical- thinking counterbalance to the social bonds and acceptance that are facilitated by inclusive identity.”
Detached awareness: A ‘a non defensive sort of attention’ similar to the mindfulness moniker of ‘observation without judgement’ and this goes for ourselves and others.
Growth: Identifying opportunities for personal growth and appreciating that new experiences can challenge how we think about ourselves and the world.
I am still susceptible to the trappings of an unbalanced ego, but being aware of these suggestions have been helpful in letting go of the overly negative or positive stories my ego likes to reinforce.
Begin your day feeling grounded and inspired.
A free 30-day email series where we share the most impactful stories and ideas that have helped us on our journey to live a more meaningful life.
✌️ Free. Unsubscribe anytime.
“I’m in the midst of big life transitions at the moment, chasing book deals, relocating, taking risks, carving out a life that feels honest, so your emails have been a perfectly timed source of inspiration and reassurance.” Jo in London, Great Britain
"Love the emails! They are a great reset or what I would call mindful chiropractic adjustment to approaching the day. Thank you!" Laurie in Albuquerque, New Mexico
"I love the emails. They give me a new perspective and things to think about and apply in my life." Monica in Johannesburg, South Africa
"It's food for the soul and sets my spiritual compass in the right direction." Farahdiva Samsul in Assam, India
"Absolutely LOVE the daily emails. One of the only email subscriptions I read daily. Keep them coming!!" Adriana in New York, New York
"The emails are thought-provoking and uplifting. A little pause from the crazy happenings of modern life. A quick chance to reflect, smile, and think about a life lived mindfully." Pharan in Queensland, Australia
"I have thoroughly enjoyed the Mindfully Mailed series. Daily I await this little nugget of goodness to hit my inbox each day." Tambria in Shreveport, Louisiana
Welcome to Holstee
Our monthly membership helps conscious people (like you!) live a more meaningful life through actionable guide, inspiring art, thought-provoking content and a like-minded community.BECOME A MEMBER →
This article is part of our series on the theme of Compassion.EXPLORE Compassion →
Distilled from our Manifesto, positive psychology, the science of mindfulness, and ancient philosophic studies we have identified twelve themes core to living both fully and mindfully. We mapped these twelve themes to each of the twelve months in a year. Together with our community we explore one each month.VIEW OUR THEMES →