Years ago I thought I had myself pegged: I didn’t like to travel (hilarious); I could never live in NYC (hmmm?); I definitely needed a “normal” salaried job (HA!); and I was incapable of sitting still or meditating (mmm… I do this daily). I had built myself these comfortable little boxes and nested right into them, and since they were so readily accepted I never felt the need to leave or explore more about who I really might be. Until I did leave, for what I thought was just a quick peak outside the box, but then I couldn’t fit back in. And I realized I didn’t want back in, so then came the challenge of figuring out what I did want. To figure out what my inherent skills and qualities are, and what kind of work they might lend themselves to.
I’ve spent the last few years sorting that out, and when I thought I had it down I decided I was ready to start my business, not realizing how deep the depths of this question would go. To create a brand and put yourself out there, well it’s a scary thing and it will test every thing that you [think you] are. It’s not enough to just decide to be a wellness coach (or jewelry designer or skincare maker or yoga studio owner), I must decide what kind, who are my clients, what is my tone, my message, my style; what are my values and where does my integrity lie; where do I draw the line? Why am I special? What is my voice and how can I use it to help everyone who will listen?
It’s trying, and yet you find a little more freedom with each answer you uncover. I imagine even if you have no desire to start a business, it’s important to ask yourself these questions. It’s important to wonder if you really know yourself, or if you’ve created definitions and boundaries and boxes that help keep you “safe” and comfortable, but never feeling fully satisfied. It’s important to wonder if you’re just going through the motions, or living life on purpose, according to something deep inside you.
"Have faith in the process, trust that you are going to a place you are meant for, a place that might not make sense now but will make plenty of sense later. You will see that because this happened, that happened. And the order of it all, no matter how painful or beautiful, was exactly what it needed to be." - Lewis HolmesTweet It!
One of the best ways I’ve found to dig deep is to think about who I was when I was little, before any conditioning or fear or self-consciousness set in. I’ll stare at old photos and ask: who is this kid? I’ll search for the connection I have to that child, me. I’ll consider that I am in that same body, with the same birthmarks and scars, the same feet that have gotten me everywhere I’ve ever gone, the same hands that have weathered all the years.
I’ll ask, what was that kid all about? What did she want to be before anyone told her what was expected? What made her laugh? What made her sad? What did she looooove doing, and what did she do when nobody was looking?
I was a weird kid. I would make funny noises and laugh with a snort to make others laugh. I’d literally stay home from school “sick” and polish all the wood in the house, and was busted for taking long showers only to reveal that I was actually in there cleaning the tile. Around age ten I’d climb up onto my desk every night to reach the giant white board mounted on my bedroom wall, and update the 5-day weather forecast in dry-erase markers. I’d show the high and low temps, and illustrate it with suns and clouds and rain drops, just like they did on the news.
But this is the stuff that makes me, me. And the deeper I’ve dug, the more I’ve learned about who I am and how that can be expressed here in 2016. I've realized I've always been a planner, a caretaker, and a bit of a comedian; I'm a tomboy and a builder and, well, apparently I like things clean. I’ve recalled the things I wanted then, and how that might translate to things I can actually do now. I’ve tapped into the seemingly unrelated combination of things I’m passionate about, to work on creating a life and business that is uniquely "me."
“The things that made you weird as a kid – make you great today.” -James VictoreTweet It!
Have you ever considered who you were before the world told you who to be? That maybe your ideas and dreams as a kid weren’t so far-fetched, and that maybe there is a way they can be applied in your life today? What would little you think of the life you’re leading now? Would they want you to play more? Love more? Paint? Write? Hug? Adventure? Work harder?
These might be tough questions to answer, so get help! Ask your parents what you were like as a kid – remember they were adults at that time, so their perspective might be more cohesive than your memory!
Ask the friends in your life now, how would they describe you? Sometimes getting that outside perspective helps highlight the things that make us stand out, the skills and traits we tend to underestimate about ourselves.
As for me, it's a work in progress. I know there's more in there, and I'm digging it out only to face the next challenge: owning it.
Megan Cuzzolino is a storyteller, life & wellness coach, and yoga instructor in Brooklyn, NY. Her biggest love is helping others discover and create their dream lifestyles, but she also finds her bliss by cruising through Brooklyn on her bike or enjoying a good book at her local coffee shop. A recovering office-dweller, Megan still carries the values from her former career in environmental sustainability, incorporating minimalism, efficiency, and non-toxic choices into her life and her coaching programs. You can read more of her stories and follow her adventures and also check out her website here.
Love to write?
Every month we select a few writers to help us explore what it means to live more fully and mindfully. Reach out to Jennifer, our Editor, at email@example.com to learn more about contributing.
Welcome to Holstee
Our monthly membership helps conscious people (like you!) live a more meaningful life through actionable guide, inspiring art, thought-provoking content and a like-minded community.BECOME A MEMBER
This article is part of our series on the theme of .EXPLORE
Distilled from our Manifesto, positive psychology, the science of mindfulness, and ancient philosophic studies we have identified twelve themes core to living both fully and mindfully. We mapped these twelve themes to each of the twelve months in a year. Together with our community we explore one each month.VIEW OUR THEMES