Why Avoiding Bad Habits Often Backfires - and What to Try Instead

As a new year begins, many of us turn to resolutions with good intentions. We want to be healthier, calmer, more present. But the language we use to define our goals may quietly shape how successful—and how supported—we feel along the way.

Psychologists distinguish between two types of goals: avoidance goals and approach goals.

Avoidance goals focus on the habits we want to stop or prevent: don’t eat junk food, don’t procrastinate, don’t stay up too late. While common, these goals tend to keep our attention on what’s wrong. Over time, that can make them feel effortful, discouraging, or even self-critical.

Approach goals, on the other hand, describe a positive outcome we want to move toward. Instead of avoiding a negative behavior, they invite a nourishing experience.

Consider the difference:

• “I want to reduce my screen time” becomes
  “I want to spend quality time with a friend each week.”
• “I need to stop eating junk food” becomes
  “I want to nourish my body with seasonal foods.”

Health psychologist and TED speaker Kelly McGonigal encourages people to word goals as something to strive toward rather than something to resist. When goals are framed positively, they tend to feel more energizing and more aligned with what actually matters to us.

There’s also a deeper emotional shift embedded in this reframe. Many resolutions carry an unspoken belief: I need fixing. Approach goals gently replace that narrative with another: I want to invite more of what supports me.

That change alone can soften how we relate to growth.

A Simple Reflection to Try

If you’re setting intentions for the year ahead, try this short exercise:

1. Write down one goal exactly as you’ve been thinking about it.
2. Ask yourself: Is this framed around avoiding something, or inviting something?
3. Rewrite it using the phrase: “This year, I want to invite more…”

There’s no need to perfect the wording. Even a small shift can change how an intention feels in your body: from pressure to possibility.

When intentions are rooted in invitation rather than self-correction, they often create more room for curiosity, self-trust, and sustainable momentum. Growth doesn’t have to come from fixing what’s wrong; it can begin by welcoming what helps us flourish.

At The Flourishing Life by Holstee, we know that small shifts in awareness and intention can have a big impact on your daily well-being. We offer simple practices and insights to help you live with more ease, connection, and meaning—plus a community of kindred spirits to support you on your journey.

As a Greater Good Network reader, enjoy $50 off with code GNN50—and step into The Flourishing Life course and community this year.

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Amy Giddon is the Community Steward for The Flourishing Life by Holstee and is passionate about lifelong learning. Her career spans management consulting, brand strategy, and leadership development roles. More recently, she founded and operated a mobile app with the intention of rekindling connection through a daily empathy ritual. Across all her work, Amy seeks to foster a sense of togetherness and shared humanity.