Mindful Matter
How much more do you need?
With this month’s theme of Simplicity, we are focused on determining what’s essential — and eliminating all the rest. Before we can know what is essential, though, we need to identify what we need to feel comfortable. Our consumption-driven world constantly tells us we need more. More money, more clients, more clothes… The challenge is, if we don’t know what we’re striving for, we’ll never be content with what we have. Challenge yourself to write down what would be enough for you. For example, if constantly striving for more money is a challenge, ask yourself: At what salary would I be comfortable (regardless of what my peers earn)? At what number of clients or amount of revenue would I feel comfortable turning down a project? At what level of savings would I feel comfortable taking time off? Take an inventory of other parts of your life where you're striving for more and reflect on what would be enough. Write it down and return to it when you are feeling that endless pull for more. Because if you don’t know where you are going, you will never know when you arrive. Who knows, you may find you are already there. Simply yours, Dave RadparvarCo-Founder, Holstee Members: Check out this month’s Simplicity Guide and Curated Resources for suggestions on simplifying everything from your finances to your tech.
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Dude, you don’t even need a wetsuit.
Stop over analyzing. Life is simple. — The Holstee Manifesto I’ve wanted to try surfing ever since moving to Ventura, California. Last summer, I decided it was time to give it a go. I started by researching wetsuits and learned everything I could about the different options. I asked for recommendations from friends and anyone I met who surfed. Every person had a different suggestion, each with a compelling reason. Within a month, I went into a dozen surf shops, read the backstories of countless wetsuit brands and ordered and returned multiple wetsuits (none of which ever made it to the ocean). By mid-August, I was no closer to getting in the water. The guy at my local surf shop must have sensed my indecisiveness after my 7th visit. He said to me, “Dude, you don’t even need a wetsuit. The water is so warm right now – just jump in.” Facepalm. I had spent so much time trying to figure out the perfect wetsuit that I had lost track of what I really wanted to do. It was a great reminder that sometimes the solution to a problem is far more simple than we allow it to be. I went straight to Mondos, the local beginner beach, and paddled out for the first time. Though I didn’t get to ride a wave, it was perfect. This month’s Simplicity Kit is kinda like that guy in the surf shop — a simple yet powerful reminder to focus on what matters most. Keep it simple, Mike RadparvarCo-Founder, Holstee P.S. In California, you do need a full wetsuit for the cooler months. I finally landed on a Vissla wetsuit and am happy with it — but more than anything I am happy that I finally paddled out!
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Essentialism
“If I didn’t have this opportunity, what would I be willing to do to acquire it?” - Greg McKeown This question from Greg McKeown’s book Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less (one of the suggested readings in this month’s Curated Resources) has become a litmus test for us when deciding which opportunities, not already in our roadmap, to take on.It’s only recently that we’ve gotten comfortable saying “no.” We’re a small team, that thrives on going deep on select projects. Our natural inclination to jump into every incoming opportunity while helpful when starting out, has turned out to be less useful today as our goals and vision for Holstee become more clear.While we’re still open to new opportunities, we’re far more discerning about the ones we’re willing to invest our team’s limited time and effort into.A similar approach can be taken to declutter the physical items in our lives by asking “if I didn’t have this already, would I still choose to purchase it today?”In this month’s Simplicity Guide we explore methods for bringing simplicity into our lives so we can focus on what really matters. Mike RadparvarCo-Founder, Holstee
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A quiet ego.
“You're never as good as everyone tells you when you win, and you're never as bad as they say when you lose.”― Lou Holtz We were fortunate to be in the right place (NYC) with the right message (our Manifesto) at the right time (2009, just after a recession that had many people reconsidering what success meant to them). This combination was key in jumpstarting Holstee. As a co-founder, this early success built up my confidence and inflated my ego. The funny thing about an enlarged ego is that it will go to remarkable lengths to self-preserve and continue growing. I remember my general tone shifting from “We did this.” to “I did this.” I became less and less open to the ideas of others, especially if they challenged my opinion. It took nearly losing Holstee and friendships I hold dear to make a change. In this month’s Compassion Guide, we explore the Quiet Ego Scale developed by Drs. Jack Bauer and Heidi Wayment. Their research shows that when we have a quiet (but not silent) ego, we are able to do a better job of listening to others as well as ourselves so we can “approach life more humanely and compassionately.” They found that a balanced quiet ego can be achieved by: Inclusive identity: Feeling a connection to all living things ultimately “increases the likelihood of cooperation and decreases the likelihood of self-protective stances toward the other.” Perspective-taking: Being able to reflect on others’ points of view which “provides a critical- thinking counterbalance to the social bonds and acceptance that are facilitated by inclusive identity.” Detached awareness: A ‘a non defensive sort of attention’ similar to the mindfulness moniker of ‘observation without judgement’ and this goes for ourselves and others. Growth: Identifying opportunities for personal growth and appreciating that new experiences can challenge how we think about ourselves and the world. I am still susceptible to the trappings of an unbalanced ego, but being aware of these suggestions have been helpful in letting go of the overly negative or positive stories my ego likes to reinforce. Try the Quiet Ego activity in this month’s guide and explore other practices to extend compassion to those around us and ourselves. Mike RadparvarCo-Founder, Holstee
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It's you I like.
If you’ve received our Reflections emails for awhile, you know how much wisdom and inspiration we get from Mister Rogers. In addition to reminding us of childhood and demonstrating the power of intention, Fred Rogers also embodied compassion, which is this month’s Holstee theme. One example was in the now-famous episode where he welcomed Jeff Erlanger onto the show. When Jeff was seven months old, he was diagnosed with a spinal tumor. During a surgery to remove the tumor, Jeff’s nervous system was damaged and he was left as a quadriplegic. Five years later, just before an important spinal surgery, his parents asked Jeff if there was anything he wanted. Jeff said he wanted to meet Mister Rogers. His sister wrote a letter to the show and incredibly, Mister Rogers agreed to meet the Erlanger family one morning in Wisconsin for breakfast. Years later, Mister Rogers welcomed Jeff onto the show. In this video clip, Rogers has an open and honest conversation with Jeff. They sing a variation of the song, “It’s You I Like”: “It’s you I like,It’s not the things you wear,It’s not the way you do your hair –But it’s you I likeThe way you are right now,The way down deep inside you –Not the things that hide you,Not your toys –They’re just beside you.But it’s you I like –Every part of you,Your skin, your eyes, your feelingsWhether old or new.I hope that you’ll rememberEven when you’re feeling blueThat it’s you I like,It’s you yourself,It’s you, it’s you I like.” A message of understanding, compassion and indiscriminate love. And a beautiful reminder that we are enough, just the way we are. I'll end this email the same way Mister Rogers ended every episode: "There's no person in the whole world like you, and I like you, just the way you are." Dave RadparvarCo-Founder, Holstee P.S. In 1999 when Fred Rogers was being inducted into the TV Hall of Fame, Jeff Erlanger turned up as a surprise guest to welcome him on stage. Speechless, the 71-year-old Rogers leapt on stage and gave Jeff a hug. It’s a beautiful reunion, followed by a thoughtful speech on the responsibility of those in media. Here is the clip. (Get the tissues ready!)
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A new kind of Manifesto.
I made the art that went out to members this month for our monthly theme of Compassion. It's actually a poem I wrote a few years ago while living in Brooklyn. It came to me when I was washing dishes late one night. I remember it exactly. It started as a few lines in my head, then one after another each line hit me. When I finished in the kitchen, I walked over to my notepad and wrote it all out. I knew it was a powerful reminder that I needed to keep front of mind. A simple reminder that we are enough. A few days ago, my Print Membership with the Compassion Art and Guide arrived. As soon as my wife, Jess, opened it, she pointed out the contrast between this message and the Manifesto we wrote 10 years ago. The Holstee Manifesto is a lot about striving — about doing (and not doing) in order to make the most of our lives. This is a different message. This is a message of liberation. Liberation from labels and expectations — everyone else's but also our own. It’s a message of acceptance. Not of who we think we are (our egos) but who we are deep inside. The part so deep inside we don't have the words for it — “soul” and “consciousness” only scratch the surface. It’s about accepting that nebulous thought, and finding comfort and perhaps even bliss in it. And lastly it's permission. Permission to love who you are free of judgement. Permission to be content in this moment. If you haven't seen it yet, here is a photo of me with this month’s print: I hope you find it a worthy and timely reminder in your life. Sending love and compassion, Dave RadparvarCo-Founder, Holstee
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